I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
