I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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