You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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