i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
