Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
