kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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