that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
