So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
