fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize