i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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