He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
