weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
