Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
zippers are such a cool invention
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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