Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
