I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
