i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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