I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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