Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
