Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
