So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
