I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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