I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize