Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
