Christians are straight up FREAKS
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
