Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well you can't waste a boner
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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