She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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