how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
