I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
