If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
