It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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