bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
