i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
