no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
