Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
