You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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