idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize