I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
4 words: hood of his car
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
