how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
