If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
