So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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