Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
