Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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