My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
