So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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