she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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