He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
