He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
