so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
