I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
