I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
