dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
