nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
