she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
