The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
