I just made out with a guy for $7.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize