That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
