I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
