I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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