man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
