According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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