I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
