Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
