My cat gives me a boner
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
