my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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