You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Even my vagina gasped.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
