i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
