when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I still have a little drunk in my system
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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