why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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