Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
