I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
