If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
