when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
