Cold hands, warm shart.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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