You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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