You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
