I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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