some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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