when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
