If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
