Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
