I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
