why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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