we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
