You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
