Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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