That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
