Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
