I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
