i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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