We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Green mimosas i think yes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
