Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
