I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
