So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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