No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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