a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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