the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
