I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
