is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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