We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
