this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
