She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
