wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
