last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
