Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
