i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
