$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its about making memories worth repressing
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
