ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
