when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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