New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
