Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize